Evening Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

TV's prominent hosts used the airtime ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access system for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday tune targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial program that permits foreign individuals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" version for five million. A government website guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to rich applicants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, requiring hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best vetting the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval numbers during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.